Oxford Street used to, for me, be a magical place. Every Christmas me and my family would take a trip to look at the lights and the amazing Selfridges windows. Yes they used to put in some effort unlike now where they just chuck mannequins in the windows surrounded by fake snow laden with exquisite designer clothing that, let’s face it none of us can afford.

Anyway, before I digress any further, I loved Oxford Street even in my teens it was a place of excitement and fun. We would grab our skateboards make our way to Monument in Hyde Park and the day would inevitably end in Trocadero. We would walk up Oxford street spending our pocket money on little knick knacks and just have a great day out together.

But Oxford Street no longer brings fun and excitement. It now holds connotations of anger and frustration. I would go as far as to say I bloody hate it.

First off what is with the morons that seem to meander around in some kind of dream like state. You know the ones, and if you don’t, you’re probably that person, and if you are, Fix the hell Up. Their usually dressed to the nines, on their mobile, and think they have fallen from heaven. Their so fixated on swishing their hair and trying to be the best thing since sliced bread they have no idea about others around them. These are the ones you have to walk slowly behind because your numerous attempts to overtake have been scarpered by people coming in the other direction or a hair flick. You walk behind them thinking ‘just fucking move.’ That’s right; no one is thinking ‘oh this person is so amazing.’ Were all thinking how much we hate you and whether risking our lives in using the busy road just to get away from you is worth it.

Next there are the tourists, don’t get me wrong I have nothing against tourists, however learn how to walk will ya. They walk along jabbering with each other in one line, taking up the entire pavement. Seriously? You can’t walk in two’s, like normal people learnt in school, as children? That never stuck did it? Why take up a whole pavement? For those of you who go about in big groups please take note, don’t. Another thing you do that pisses Londoners off is when you get in a group for a picture and then the person with the camera stands there forever trying to take it. Were nice people, were accommodating people, that’s why were not walking in the cameras shot, but don’t take the piss with how long and how many you take.

Now, those people who just don’t know how to react in busy social environments, they have no idea, like they have walking Aspergers. They walk along then just stop with no warning causing a situation where everyone is bumping in to the person in front. That’s right you have just caused Londoners to touch strangers…we do not like this. These are the same people who look in to a shop window about ten times, while slowly walking past. The shit in the window is not going to change within a minute, you like something go in you don’t just walk past it’s not exactly brain surgery is it. Another thing they do is just turn around and change direction, just like that, turn to face you, what are you doing? Sometimes you’re not expecting it and end up with a nose bump or worse, lip touch. I don’t want to catch your idiocy just stop it. Sometimes these people decided last minute to go in to a shop and walk right across you, almost tripping you up. They also do this at crossings walk across the crossing in a lopsided way because they obviously didn’t think it through.

So people, well done, you have destroyed Oxford Street for me, and probably many others. If your reading this and don’t know what I’m talking about then you are one of these people. Take note and just sort it out.